Marriage is a part of life people look forward to. Sharing those special moments with someone and craving companionship is part of the natural disposition Allahhas placed within us as human beings. Perhaps you have found someone you feel may be suitable to fit the role of your life partner; a woman you may have met at work, a person you saw at the masjid, a recommendation from a friend or family member. However, once you send a proposal over it is rejected for some reason or the other (perhaps the sister or brother is not interested, or if they are, perhaps the parents are a barrier), it may feel like all hope is all lost.
This article is the sister to ‘The Marriage Proposal in the Qur’an’, but viewed from the opposite lens: dealing with rejected marriage proposals.
The great scholar of Islam, Imam Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawzi said in a profound statement:
“If He [Allah Almighty] uncovered the cover of His kindness and righteousness and His making [or facilitating] for him (his slave), from where he knows and from where he does not know, his heart would melt out of love for Him and longing for Him and drop down in thanks to Him.” [Tareeq Al Hijratain, p.180]
Rejection in any sphere of life is challenging to deal with –“The winds of life do not go your way”-, how many times have we heard this statement paraphrased to remind us that life will not always go the way we plan? However, as believers, we must understand that trials and tribulations are intended to bring us closer to Allah.
Rejection can be a way of Allahtesting us; do we begin to blame Allah for things not working out or do we realize that Allah is in control of everything and submit? Without faith, a person can truly be lost in these words enveloped by sadness and depression, but when a person recognizes their iman in this matter, can this bring them closer to Allah ?
Allahtells us in the very first few verses of Surah Ankabut [Surah 29;1-3]:
“Alif, Lam, Meem”
“Do the people think that they will be left to say, ‘We believe’ and they will not be tried?”
“But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.”
A Test of Iman: Rejected Marriage Proposals
One of the common crises of iman we face is not receiving the things we want from Allahwhen we request it from him. Our mind is bombarded with a thousand thoughts.
“If Allah loves me, why does he not give me what I want?” “If he wants good for me, why does he not remove the difficulties I’m going through?” “I practice Islam to the best of ability so why then do I feel that Allah does not listen to me whilst my friend or my family member who is distant from Allah has everything they could have wanted in this Dunya?”
It is easy to theorize the fact that Allahcontrols everything and that he will test us to see our level of faith, but our deficiency is highlighted when it comes to internalizing. When a believer goes through trials and tribulations, they call out to Allah even more; that connection that was weakened now strengthens. Applying this to the context of marriage, perhaps Allah caused your marriage proposal to be rejected so that you can come closer to Him. After rejected marriage proposals, you continue to call out to Allah and He loves this. After rejection, you endeavor to make time to sacrifice sleep in order to wake up in the last third of the night to call out to Him in an intimate conversation. After rejection, you remain seated after the obligatory prayer in your place of prayer to supplicate, in comparison to before when you would rush following the tasleem. Just look at how close you have come to your Lord. The believer is the one who does not stop and continues asking Allah , continues knocking on His door with perseverance for the one who knocks on the door of the King of Kings shall have that door open for them. Through continuous requesting, exerting all efforts and not giving up despite them falling over once, twice, or even three times, Allah is at the forefront of their mind. Their relationship with their Creator goes from strength to strength and then once the relationship is solid, this is when Allah answers the du’a of his slave. Did not our Prophet say that the hearts of people are between the two fingers of Ar-Rahman and he turns them as he pleases (meaning he controls the hearts of every single human being) [Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2654]? For Allah , it is easy for the recipient of your rejected proposal to change their mind and in fact accept your proposal, because Allah